I Remember
by emygrl99
Summary: Letters to Luffy (marked as complete but updates sporadically)
1. Memories

Inspired by the song Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls. Enjoy!

Beta'd by LeafyxThiefy

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 _Luffy,_

 _I remember the clothes you were wearing the day I met you. It was a blue T-shirt with a 56 on it and you were wearing your shorts and sandals, and your hair was a mess because you wouldn't let anybody brush it. You were wearing your hat too, but back then it was too big for your head and kept slipping over your eyes. You refused to acknowledge it though, even when you tripped because you couldn't see. I was irritated at the time that you were so happy and silly and I remember wishing that I could be that way. You were so excited, your eyes wide with that childlike happiness, your words tripped all over each other and you couldn't sit still no matter how many times I yelled. I remember thinking how unfair it was that your life could be so light and carefree when mine had been nothing. I remember fighting with you over the most trivial things and kicking and punching and scratching at you, but you never left my side._

 _When I went to sleep that night, I remember wanting to bash my head in because every time I closed my eyes, an image of your bright smile appeared in my mind. I couldn't help but wonder how you could be so happy. How was it even possible to smile that widely and brightly? Why did I feel so strange every time I pictured it in my mind? I remember how furious I was with myself because you were just some stupid annoying kid that wouldn't leave me alone! And to make it worse, I didn't know why was I so bothered by it in the first place when I didn't even care. Why couldn't I control my emotions any more?_

 _As the years passed, we grew closer and closer until we were together so often people started thinking that we were brothers. I guess the idea stuck, and brothers we became. I even showed you my favorite spot at the cliff overlooking the sea. For years it had been my spot and mine alone, but then suddenly, it was ours. I remember the strange look on your face when you saw it, like you weren't sure what to say, so you just smiled at me. I knew you understood what it meant to me, and I remember feeling so grateful that you were in my life. You could say that was when I started to realize. That spot became a kind of safe zone for the two of us, where we could speak the words we were afraid to say or talk about anything and nothing at all for hours on end until one of us fell asleep mid-sentence._

 _I love your smile. Your smile when you're looking at something cool. Your smile when you spot food. Your smile when you know you've been caught doing something you shouldn't. Your smile when you're telling a joke. The smile you give me for no reason other than to see me return one, and especially your smile when I do. Your smiles are like a drug and they can make the worst day of my life seem not that bad. Your smiles showed me how free you were despite the struggles you faced. I saw how thrilled you were with life itself, and with every moment I shared with you, I started to feel that way too._

 _Did you know that I used to watch you sleep? God, I know how creepy it sounds, but I couldn't stop myself. Like one of the many, many times you fell asleep next to me at our spot on the cliff, I watched the wind playing with strands of your hair and I remember feeling jealous that I couldn't. Your face was so peaceful that it made my chest ache. There was still a faint smile on your lips and I remember having to physically move away from you so I wouldn't be tempted to kiss them._

 _Over time, I caught myself noticing these little things about you, like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile and how your scar gets all squished because of it. I remember noticing the way your chest puffs up a little when you're boasting and how you never allow bad news to affect that smile, at least until you're alone and can turn it over in your mind in peace. You tend to fall asleep in the weirdest positions, and though I laugh and take pictures when you do, I'll never show them to anybody. I remember the time you fell asleep in the middle of eating, but then you woke up cause you started choking and continued eating like nothing happened. It's those little things about you that make me the happiest._

 _I remember how I used to cry some nights after you fell asleep because I thought about how you weren't mine, and I wanted you to be mine so bad. You were so young though, and I didn't want to steal your future away from you like mine had been taken from me. There was all the time in the world to decide, so I decided to wait. If you asked me to pick the moment I fell in love with you, I wouldn't be able to say. It had all been so gradual, so gently built, that one day I noticed, and I knew it was true. I knew that I loved everything about you; your endless courage, your brazen and loud personality. I knew that I even loved the annoying things about you, like how you always 'forget' to pay me back when I loan you money and your ridiculously loud snores when I'm trying to sleep. I love how your hair is perpetually messy because you never brush it, and I love running my fingers through the strands after you wash it._

 _I remember when we had our first kiss. It was one of your quieter days when you didn't go running off into some kind of trouble for me to get you out of the second you woke up. We went to our spot on the cliff, and I remember talking about some of our more outrageous adventures and talking about all the funny people we've met, but then you told me how scared you were to lose me, and I promised myself that I would never let that fear come true. I still don't know how it happened, but I remember watching you gaze out over the sea, looking so beautiful with the sun's golden rays lighting up your face and the wind ruffling your hair. It was almost like you were surrounded by this glowing aura and it captivated me completely. You suddenly looked at me with this smile that I'd never seen before, and then we were kissing, and I felt like flying and crying and beating you over the head all at the same time because I had waited so long, I didn't know what to do now that it'd finally happened. You were confused because I was crying and I remember how gentle your thumb was on my face, wiping away the tears away with that smile. You said I was too beautiful to cry, and then we sharing our second kiss, slow and passionate. If you had commanded me to jump off the cliff in that moment, I would have, if only to make you smile._

 _Now you've become so much more to me than just a brother. A day without you is a day wasted, and when we have to be apart, there's this emptiness in my chest and I'm not the same until you're back by my side, and I can see in your eyes that you felt it too. Just the thought of your smile can tide me over until I see you again. There was a point in my life when I thought that I was better off alone, and that nobody was worth getting close to because it just made it hurt more when they left, but now I can't imagine living without you. I want to be right next to you until the day I die._


	2. Afraid

Inspired by Catch Me by Demi Lovato. I hope you enjoy! (:

Beta'd by LeafyxThiefy

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 _Luffy,_

 _I think I'm falling in love with you. Ever since I showed you my spot on the cliff, I've felt different around you. I don't know what it is, but I can't bring myself to say it might be love. I don't believe in love. It's just a word people say but never mean. I've spent most of my life on my own, trusting no one but myself and what I knew- there was no room for love or other people. Love is unlike anything else. Fear can be overcome, confusion can be cleared up, sadness can be pushed aside, even rage can be focused. All these things can be subdued if I have enough strength and courage. Love, however, cannot be controlled. It cannot be redirected or buried. It can't be ignored and love changes you so you don't even want to ignore it. Love makes you do crazy, senseless things for no reason other than to see that other person smile. And when you realize that you're in love, you give up control of yourself- you give up the ability to make your own decisions. Love is dangerous and can be more painful than a knife to the back. So when I realized that I was falling in love with you, I was afraid._

 _Sometimes when I look at you, I want to walk right up to you and kiss you right then and there, just so I can know how badly I've got it. So I can figure out what about you I love and stop myself before it gets worse. So I can tell how badly it'll hurt me when you leave, because everybody leaves. I'm afraid of love, of being in love. When I look at you, it's like my stomach does backflips and my fingers get twitchy, aching to touch you, to be closer to you. At the same time, all it does is make me want to run far, far away to a place where you won't be able to make me feel so out of control and helpless. Maybe if I get far enough away I'll be able to breathe again, I'll be able to think clearly. Because if this ends up being something it's not and you don't feel the same, I won't be able to recover._

 _No matter how much I think of running away though, the thought of being away from you for too long makes my chest ache and my breath catch in my chest and my heart go out of control. But when I think about leaving, I also think about the way your eyes sparkle and I think about your laugh. I think about your hat that you never take off no matter what. I think about you, and I know I can't leave, no matter how much I want to. Because those nights when I wake up and there's a smile on my face because I dreamt of you, I look to the left and there you are, the moon lighting up your face as you sleep, blissfully unaware of the storm of emotions bottled inside my head. It's nights like those when I think that I might be falling in love, hard, and maybe that isn't such a bad thing._

 _I don't want to be in love. I don't want my every day to depend on you and everything you do. I don't want to feel my heart pound in my chest when you say my name and I especially don't want to admit that it might be too late. That I've already given up control of me to you. That you already mean more to me than anybody else. Love is harsh and unforgiving- there's no getting better once you've fallen and there's no forgetting when it's lost. If I have to be in love, I'm glad it's with you. I'm afraid of love. I'm terrified, actually. But when I look at you, it's possible to believe that maybe love is more than just a weapon. Maybe it's also the greatest comfort anybody could find. Maybe, just maybe, you'll love me too someday._

 _So if I am in love, then I give up. I don't want to fight the way you make me feel anymore. I don't want to fight the ridiculous amount of giddiness I feel when you call my name. I don't want to fight the sense of belonging I feel when I'm with you. This is my first time being in love, I don't know what to expect. It scares me more than anything to say this, but I give up the power to control my heart. I give it up and offer it to you because it's all I have left to give. Please be careful with it._


End file.
